Professor Amy Chua, courtesy of newhum.com.
Read Amy Chua, "Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior."
Article found in Wall Street Journal. (January 2011).
Then, at our course blog, below, blog THREE specific observations you found interesting after reading Chua's article, and one specific question you have.
Mojo A'go go!
Observation 1- I found it interesting how Chinese parents try to encourage success in their children in ways most Americans would consider, specifically social services, abusive. They feel that by insulting their children, they are somehow inspiring confidence and a burning drive to improve themselves.
ReplyDeleteObservation 2- “And it's true that Chinese mothers get in the trenches, putting in long grueling hours personally tutoring, training, interrogating and spying on their kids.” I don’t find this statement necessarily true. I mean, how hard can it be to a terrorize someone much weaker and less intelligent than you? According to this theory, school bullies should be put on the same plane as a Chinese parent. “I was just trying to motivate him.” Try that one the next time you get sent to the principles office for shoving that kids head in the toilet.
Observation 3- Although Mrs. Chua may think she is carrying on a tradition of strict “for your own good” parenting, she is actually committing what I am sure is legally considered child abuse. I’m certainly no expert on children, nor do I pretend to know how to raise them, but common sense tells me that screaming insults like a Nazi commandant while your daughter cries and begs you to use the bathroom may have some long term psychological effects.
#1: What first struck me about this article was the list that Chua provides regarding the things her daughters are not allowed to do. The list includes “never attending play dates or sleepovers,” both of which provide the interactions that foster the development of social skills in children. Additionally, I feel as though prohibiting her children from interacting with others outside of school most likely prevented them from forming lasting friendships with their classmates.
ReplyDelete#2: Chua also mentions in the list that her children were not allowed to select their own extracurricular activities. By making the choice for her daughters, I feel that she did not allow them to grow into their own individual people. It is difficult for me to understand how making their choices for them, helped them grow into stronger, more successful people. If a child cannot determine their own passions, likes and dislikes, then how do they know what they want to do in their lives? In the conclusion of the article, the author mentions that Western parents often encourage their children to pursue their dreams, while supporting them along the way. She mentions this as though it is a negative characteristic of Western parents.
#3: As a social work major, it was difficult for me to read this article through an unbiased lens. I felt that many of the characteristics of Chua’s parenting are borderline abusive, but at the same time I wanted to understand her perspective. It was startling to me not only how confident Chua was in the strength of her parenting style, but also how critical she was of western parents. I feel that I would have been able to more so appreciate the article had she not been so dismissive of the possibility that parents with different styles are capable of producing successful children.
Q: Do the children of mothers like Chua resent or appreciate their parent’s way of raising children?
1. I thought I was very interesting how careful Chua was to make sure that people knew that her generalizations about “Chinese” parenting and “Western” parenting styles were VERY loosely based.
ReplyDelete2. I find it very interesting that the Chinese believe that even if their children struggle with school, enough practice will enable them to overcome that. Americans on the other hand attribute any inabilities to ADD or another learning disability.
3. I find it very interesting that westerners have such a concern of the child’s self esteem, when the Chinese will criticize to motivate. This may be one of the reasons that American’s can sometimes be self-centered and focused on their image.
My question is: Because of the reflection of the child’s success on the quality of the parent’s parenting skills, do parents sometimes do the work for their children? Or is it completely up to the child?
Another question I have is: How can Chinese children stay well rounded or develop passions if they are forced into areas of study?
Another question I have is: are the children’s social skills impacted by their inability to have play dates and therefore, develop close friendships? How does that affect them later in life?
Another question I have is: Since children are taught that nothing comes easy, does that affect things like the divorce rate like in China?
1.)I thought it was interesting that she would take away Christmas and Hannukkah presents, if her daughter didn't succeed. The reference in the article makes it seem as if her family practices these traditions in a secular way, yet still maintains an orthodox view of parenting, that has been a part of Chinese custom and religion.
ReplyDelete2.)What really bothered me about the article was how biased the article was. Chua did state that her evidence was very loosely based, but does that mean she compared her familial habits to one of family? Her husband even disagreed with her, saying she was insulting their daughter, yet Chua wouldn’t accept that. She believed that Westerners parented their children incorrectly, and wouldn't even look at the good in Western parenting, only the "bad."
3.)After reading the article, I wondered how old she was and she’s 48. I thought that it was hard growing up with someone in the military but Chua depicts Chinese mothers as these really intense people who are too involved in their children’s lives, because the children need to succeed in order to honor their parents.
4.)Question: How was Chua raised as a Chinese mother, growing up in Illinois and California, and with parents who although were Chinese immigrants lived in the Philippines, and if she is referring to other Chinese mothers and not just herself, where she got her information.
1.) As I started to read this article I began to think that the term of "Chinese Mother" was just another name for psychotic parenting. I have to admit however she does make a fair argument that it's a style of parenting that seems to push for results even if it does possibly cause psychological damage.
ReplyDelete2.) In her story about how she forced her daughter to practice repeatedly until she was able to play "The Little White Donkey" it was interesting how much she wanted her daughter to master the rhythm. When she explained how she resorted to screaming and insults I wonder how it would have played out if adversely there was a parent who was just as determined to have the kid master it yet didn't cuss the kid off?
3.) After reading this, I wonder if what she argues is valid. I wonder if the process outweighs the outcome: these kids are essentially candles with a wick burning at both ends and we all know a candle that burns twice as fast only lasts at best only half as long. Yes it appears her daughters are growing up to be successful musicians and I have nothing against very intelligent people, but if her story can attest to the product of this stress, I have got to admit she sounds crazy.
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ReplyDelete1. I thought it was kind of silly how strict she was with her children. I mean she didn’t allow her children to attend sleepovers, choose an extracurricular activity on their own, or even watch TV! I think she could incorporate her ways of “teaching” and “studying” while letting them be their own persons because a little television never hurt any body. Although, Amy Chua’s parenting is somewhat like my mother’s except I was a rebellious child and never listened to her.
ReplyDelete2. Chua’s demanding Eastern-parenting skills, from certain aspects isn’t a bad thing after all, because in the end her children will become successful. They will have a successful future ultimately that just shows how much Chua cares and how much she sacrificed for her children. Even though she may sound like a crazy mother, she is doing the right thing for her kids because she wants the best for them.
3. It’s interesting to read how blunt and truthful Chinese mothers are. “Chinese mothers can say to their daughters, “Hey fatty-lose some weight.” Not only is this a Chinese thing, it’s an Asian thing. From my point of view growing up Cambodian/American I would see other Cambodian ladies saying the same thing to other girls. I just thought it was rude and if that lady would say that to me, I would just say that she was looking fat too.
I don’t really have a specific question, because I lived through this “style” of parenting. Maybe, if I had listened to my mother, I might be a different person today? Who knows?
Observation #1:
ReplyDeleteAmy Chua mentions a study involving “50 Western American mothers and 48 Chinese immigrant mothers”, where 70% of the Western mothers said that “stressing academic success is not good for children, but “0% of the Chinese mothers” agreed with the statement. The survey pool was tiny and the results are most probably extreme, but it sort of reflects how I feel Chinese mothers are.
Observation #2:
Chua notes that it is the early stages that require the most attention, and that Chinese mothers have to acquire extra “fortitude” to counter their children’s reluctance to work. Chua believes that repetition is necessary and crucial for excellence, and only once the children achieve a certain degree of proficiency in a particular subject should they be praised.
Observation #3:
Chua writes that “Chinese parents believe that their kids owe them everything”. While I believe this statement isn’t correct, there is some truth to it. Chua explains that this is a combination of “Confucian filial piety” and hard work on the part of Chinese mothers, and I would tend to agree that this is true.
Question:
How many Western American parents will try this approach after reading the article?
1. Right off the bat, i noticed that she had a list of things that her children were not allowed to do when they were children including not being able to have a play-date or even a sleepover. I found it interesting that she also only let them play 2 instruments, which were the violin and the piano, and they couldnt not play them either.
ReplyDelete2. I also found interesting that she said that chinese mothers are straight forward about things they say to their children. For example, the fatty comment and then saying that the western parents have to tip toe around it. She is saying that being straightforward is better then beating around the bush about it.
3. Right underneath that paragraph it explains the case of a chinese child receiving a B, then the mother would literally scrape the information into the child's brain with practice and tests until he/she is perfect in the subject. They want the children to get an A because they believe they can do it.
my question is that if the mothers in the west copied the actions of chinese mothers, what would our country look like now?
OBSERVATION 1: I find it interesting that chinese mothers feel as though it is okay to continuously yell at there children if they don't live up to their standards and expectations. But on the flip side of this, it makes the child stronger for life events for the future.
ReplyDeleteOBSERVATION 2: The idea that Chinese mothers think that their children owe them everything to me is the only thing I completely disagree with in this article. If anything I think that the giving and receiving should be an equal distribution so that the mother and children get praised on the same level. If a children only gets praised when they accomplish things like getting A's in school,then in return that child will think that the only way to get praise from their own mother is to do something right. which isn't the right idea, the child should get praised for whatever they do to an extent, this is because it is the mothers responsibility to protect them and make the child see that she will always be there for them.
OBSERVATION 3: Its interesting how these children just think they have no right to talk back to their own mother after she yells and says cruel things to them. It is ironic how they think that is an okay way to live. but I guess it is all what a child gets used to when they are born.
QUESTION: I just wonder how the Chinese culture as a whole amounted to the idea that yelling and screaming at their child until the mother gets exactly what she wants is an okay task? Partially, it is like they only care that the mothers get praise instead of their own kids.
My first observation is that she forced her daughters to play specific instruments. When I started playing music I got to choose the instrument I played and I think that was very important to my success. I feel like I would not have done as well if the instrument were forced upon me. Also she says later that she made them practice for three hours at a time, which really is a long time seeing as how most normal concerts only last maybe an hour. In this case I am glad my mother let me at least choose the instrument that I would be forced to play for the next 8 years.
ReplyDeleteMy second observation is when she was talking about the grades she says, “If a Chinese child gets a B—which would never happen.” I found that slightly false because in high school I knew a few Chinese kids who had very strict traditional parents and they still didn’t get perfect grades and their parents were okay with it. I think she is being a little extreme when she says all traditional Chinese parents are crazy strict all the time.
My third observation is that I am very appreciative about the way my mother raised me after reading this article. In the past my mother and I have not always seen eye to eye about my schooling and my grades and I always pegged her as a super strict mother. Again I will go with music as my example. When I was in high school my mother demanded that I was in the jazz program at school because those were the best musicians in the school. She forced me to audition and the song was the hardest thing I had ever seen. The song was “Sir Duke” by Stevie Wonder. No matter what I did I could not figure the piece out until she finally locked me in my room with a Stevie Wonder record and wouldn’t let me come out until she couldn’t tell who was playing (me or the record). I was in there for 5 hours before it finally clicked and once it did it was like second nature. To this day it is my favorite song to play and I have the whole thing down by memory on 4 different instruments. I understand where Amy is coming from but I am glad she isnt my mom.
My question is would strict Chinese parents go as far as to kick their child out and cut them off if they didn’t perform well in school?
Observation 1: I found it really shocking the list of things Chinese children could not do. I can’t image not being able to go to sleepovers, or have play dates. Also that children weren’t allowed to participate in school plays. At my elementary school every student was required to participate in one of the school plays. I wonder how a parent would feel if their child was obligated to do this.
ReplyDeleteObservation 2: I thought it was interesting that Chinese children are expected to be good at everything except gym and drama. I feel like if you want your child to be the best they can be then you would want them to be really well rounded and good in these areas of school as well. It also really surprised me that when the daughter had a really hard time learning a specific song on the piano the mother wouldn’t let her give up and pushed her so much harder until she got it. It’s true that a lot of American parents probably would have let their child quit if they were struggling that bad.
Observation 3: I didn’t like that the article made it seem like Chinese parents are better than American parents. Because I feel like my parents want what’s best for me. Want me to get A’s and do great in school. I think they only difference is the way they treat their children. In China parents are brutally honest and don’t tip toe around ones feelings. I don’t like this approach. I think what parents do in America is much more sympathetic and understanding. I wouldn’t want to be treated poorly to show me I need to do better.
My Question is if a child were to disobey what drastic measures would a parent take?
1. My first observation is that Chau chose to use Chinese parents and Western parents to describe the two types of parenting styles. I find it interesting because she chose Chinese specifically but was broader when talking about America and the Western parenting style. She uses both of the terms loosely and states that there are “Chinese mothers” who are not Chinese, and mothers of Chinese heritage that are not Chinese mothers.
ReplyDelete2. My second observation was three big differences between the Chinese and Western parental mind-sets. The first being that she noticed that Western parents are extremely anxious about their children’ self-esteem. Second, Chinese parents believe that their kids owe them everything. Third, Chinese parents believe they know what’s best for their children and can override all of their child’s own desires and preferences. I found these to be interesting base ideas that show the differences in the thought behind parenting.
3. My final observation was that Chau herself lives in a house hold where both parenting styles are present; she is the Chinese mother, while her husband is the Western father. She gives examples from her life that show the distinct differences between the two ideologies and how they sometimes clash. In her example she used ones where being the strict parent paid off and the outcome was successful. I feel that there could also be an example where this is not the case and Chau, being a Chinese mother, has a bias.
My question is: how do the children of Chinese mothers behave socially and how do they interact with their peers as adults?
1. Much like many of my classmates, the first observation that stood out to me was the list of things that Chinese children are never allowed to do. Many of the things on that list greatly influence the way a child grows up, such as playing an instrument or being in a play. I feel it is down right abusive for this mothers to make these kinds of decisions for their kids, I don't care how good at math they are.
ReplyDelete2. my second observation was the way Chinese mothers react to "failure" as they would call it, like when a kid doesn't get an A. The article discussed how these mothers verbally degrade their children if they are not considered up to par. I felt this was extremely backwards, although I can understand being serious with your kids about grades and doing well, but to call them names or say that they are garbage is asinine.
3. My final observation was the authors example of how this type of parenting actually works. I feel it was completely coincidental that her daughter happened to learn the song after being victimized by her own mother. Not to mention that it is absolutely child abuse to deny your child water or a bathroom break just because you want to be a hard ass and think what your doing will "help them in the end."
Question: My question from this article is, how are these children performing so well under these conditions? and in the future what kind of negative effects could this have on the children of China?
1. I found the line, “What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it. To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences.” interesting, I feel like forcing a choice of activity on a child that they do not actually like weakens their ability to preform the activity. And also saying that nothing is fun until you're good at it is just wrong in my opinion.
ReplyDelete2. “If the child's grades do not improve, they may eventually schedule a meeting with the school principal to challenge the way the subject is being taught or to call into question the teacher's credentials.” this line is another thing I found odd in the article, despite the fact that at the beginning the author disclaimed that she was making generalizations, I feel like this is too much. I would consider a parent who did this to be extremely overreacting.
3. The last thing in the article I found interesting was the line, “As a parent, one of the worst things you can do for your child's self-esteem is to let them give up. On the flip side, there's nothing better for building confidence than learning you can do something you thought you couldn't.” I thought this was the best thing said in the entire piece. It's one thing to force something on a child that they absolutely don't want to do, but it's very different, in my mind, to force a child to stick with an activity that they chose to participate in, because they chose it in the first place.
Question: Where was the study stating that the majority of western mothers felt, “stressing academic success is not good for children" from?
I thought my life was tough, holy crap! My first observation was the massive list of things her children weren't allowed to participate in. I understand a rigid lifestyle (dress codes, proper language, time schedules and other expectations)..... i was raised in one of the only true old school prep communities of new england, but that list is an iron curtain.
ReplyDeleteMy second observation was the philosophy, it isn't fun unless your excellent at it. I actually agree with this statement. That's why you don't see me doing things that I am awful at. NAW WHAA I MEEEAN!
My third observation, was the chinese belief that academic scores reflect a parents success on a child. What if the child is a great person, but can't color in the lines? Does China acknowledge learning disabilities( dyslexia, ADD, ADHD , abcdefg). However, I do believe it should be a parents prime concern, that their child achieves high marks, or at least tries their best.
1. The first thing that jumped out at me was the very specific list of what Chua did not allows her children to do when they where young. It seem like anything thing that would take time away from school work is forbidden. I understand putting a high value on academics, however I feel like I would need a break to keep me from going crazy.
ReplyDeleteMy first observation is the extensive list of things that Amy Chua’s children are not allowed to do. This list mainly includes activities in which important childhood socialization occurs. While her children may be crazy smart, and amazing pianist, they may not have the social skills needed to succeed in the real world as an adult.
ReplyDeleteMy second observation is “when Western parents think they are being strict, they usually don’t come close to being Chinese mothers.” I have always thought that my dad was/is very strict, but now, after reading this article, I realize that I had it easy. For example, I attempted to play the flute in elementary school, and after a few months and pretending to play during our Christmas concert, I quit. I’m sure that if my parents forced me to practice I could have eventually been able to play, but they allowed me to stop playing and let me try activities that I had a greater passion for.
My third observation was about the idea of Western parents being extremely anxious about their child’s self-esteem, and Chinese parents are not. In today’s American society everyone tip toes around insecurities people have, while in the Chinese culture it is fine for a mother to call her daughter a fatty.
My question is about discipline in Chinese homes. What are common consequences for misbehavior? For example, in America I would say a common consequence is time out, having tv taken away, or having toys taken away.
1. The first thing that jumped out at me was the very specific list of what Chua did not allows her children to do when they where young. It seem like anything thing that would take time away from school work is forbidden. I understand putting a high value on academics, however I feel like I would need a break to keep me from going crazy.
ReplyDelete2. The second thing I noticed that “Chinese mothers” get right to the point when it comes to what they expect from there children, they are not afraid to call their children worthless or fat or lazy. If a child brings home a less than satisfactory grade from school, a Chinese mother will not tip toe around the subject like a “western mother”. Also the method used to improve performance almost seem abusive, like when Chua explained how she “motivated” her daughter Lulu to practice the panio.
3. I thought it was interesting when the article said “Chinese parents believe that their kids own them everything”. It is true that parents give up a lot for their children, but the idea that a child should spend their life repaying their parents is strange to me, however I don't totally disagree with that idea. I feel like I owe it to my parents to at least get good grades even though, as the article points out, the Western view of the subject is “Children don't choose their parents”.
At the beginning of the article Chua says her children are only aloud to play the piano or the violin. My question is what is so special about those two instruments?
1. 70% of Western mothers claim that stressing academic success is not good, as opposed to 0% of Chinese mothers. To me, this does not reflect good parenting but competition.
ReplyDelete2. "what Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it." This seems like a horrible concept to teach kids. This has the ability to lower children's self esteems and teach kids it's ok to give up instead of keep working at it.
3. Due to the Chinese parents inability to be satisfied with any grade other than an 'A', i doubt Chinese parents would ever believe A.D.D. or A.D.H.D. are real issues and instead just excuses.
My questions is The first sentence of the article asks, "Can a regimen of no play dates, no tv, no computer games and hours of music practice create happy kids?" Does playing an instrument as a child lead to a more peaceful childhood and lifestyle? However, her daughters were never able to play the piano or violin though, why not?